Tobi's Christmas
by gar-a-ash
Summary: What happens when an elf tells Tobi he was put on the bad list by mistake? Chaos, that's what! A Christmas present to all you guys!


Tobi was walking calmly through the woods around the Akatsuki base when he saw it.

"Hello? Can Tobi ask what you are?" he chirped, kneeling down to poke at the strange creature.

The creature popped up, and Tobi shrieked and jumped away, waving his arm around like a chicken. Well, what would you do if some strange creature you found in the woods suddenly moved?

"Tobi-san, I'm an elf from the North Pole, and I've come to tell you something important", it said in a high-pitched voice, and Tobi kneeled down to its height to talk to it.

"Oh my god, an elf-chan! Elf-chan is so cute!" Tobi squeed.

Well, talking might be a little overrated.

"Yes, Tobi-san, I know", the poor creature managed to gasp out from between Tobi's enthusiastic hugs. "But Tobi? Can you put me down? I have to tell you something."

Tobi immediately dropped the elf, who landed on the ground with a nice THUMP! He glared up at Tobi for a second, then rubbed his butt and stood up, top of his head level with the kneeling Tobi's shoulder.

"We think we made a mistake at the North Pole. It seems you were put on the bad list, so I came to tell you-"

His sentence was cut off by Tobi shrieking and covering his mask with his hands, sobbing.

"No! Tobi's a good boy, Tobi won't hear it!"

"TOBI-SAN!"

Tobi paused and looked at the elf, who had just yelled his name.

"Tobi thinks elf-chan is loud."

The elf face-palmed, a grumpy look on his face. Oh dear lord…..

"Tobi-san, I came to tell you how to be put on the good list again. Santa thinks it was a mistake, so he sent me to tell you. We need you to go around and ask everyone here if they think you're good or not. Got it?"

"Tobi gets it! Don't worry, elf-chan, I'll go ask! Just wait right here!"

Tobi sped off, leaving a wonderful trail of smoke in his path. The elf choked a bit until it cleared, then sighed.

"I feel so sorry for those poor people."

Tobi ran through the base, looking for anyone that would confirm he was a good boy. But who should he ask first? Ooh, let's go ask Zetsu!

Tobi stalked through the many hallways, looking for his cannibalistic best friend. But where could Zetsu be? Tobi couldn't find him anywhere.

A metaphorical light bulb went off over Tobi's head, and he smiled and ran out the door. Tobi knew where Zetsu was!

He ran into the rainforest surrounding the back shed of the Akatsuki lair, AKA the garden, and immediately called out for Zetsu, screaming shrilly.

"ZETSU-SAN!!!!!!!"

"Hey, we're right here.** Did you have to be so bloody loud?! Our ears are ringing!**"

"Oops, sorry Zetsu-san. But Tobi has a huge problem!" Tobi exclaimed, waving his arms around and almost hitting a priceless plant. Zetsu cringed and pulled Tobi away from the plant, trying to think of a way to get the hyper idiot out of his garden.

"Just what is your problem, Tobi-chan? **Stop waving your arms around like a blooming idiot.**"

"Tobi was told by an elf-chan that Tobi was put on the Bad List! So Tobi needs Zetsu-san to say Tobi is a good boy!"

Zetsu could only stare, both sides dumbfounded.

"…**..He does know Santa and elves don't exist, right?** Shut up, don't ruin it for him!" both sides argued quietly, then turned to Tobi.

"Yes, Tobi, we think you're a good boy. Now why don't you go ask someone else, just to make sure?" he asked quietly, trying to get him out of the garden as fast as possible.

"Oh, thank you Zetsu-san! Don't worry, Tobi will go ask Hidan-san next!"

Tobi sped off, carelessly tearing a small, thousand-dollar vine in the process, but Zetsu could only stare.

"**You don't think he got into our weed-killer again, do you?** If he did, I don't care. He's gone now.** Aren't you supposed to be the nice one?** Shut up."

"Hidan-san, Hidan-san!" Tobi called out, searching everywhere for the immortal.

"Tobi, will you shut your fucking mouth! It's too early for you to be yelling!" Hidan shouted, stumbling groggily out of his room, hair messy.

Tobi paused.

"Hidan-san, isn't it a little late to be sleeping?"

Hidan blinked, confused.

"Why, what fucking time is it?"

"It's almost supper time, Hidan-san."

Hidan's eyes widened, and he shouted, "SHIT!"

Tobi cringed, covering his ears.

"Hidan-san, what's wrong?"

"I was supposed to sacrifice a virgin tonight! Move, Tobi, I gotta get out of here!" Hidan growled, pushing Tobi out of the way in his rush to get outside.

"Wait, does Hidan-san think Tobi is a good boy?" Tobi called after him, and he could vaguely hear Hidan agreeing with him as he sped off, and Tobi brightened.

"Well, that was fun! Tobi must be a really good boy for waking up Hidan-san. But who's next? Oh, let's go see Itachi-san!"

"Psst, Itachi-san?"

"Hn."

"Oh good, you're in here", Tobi said, walking into the dark room. He could vaguely see Itachi turn to look at him, eyes glowing red, and Tobi waved.

"Itachi-nee-san, can Tobi ask you a question?"

"I'm not your nee-san."

Tobi took that as a yes.

"Well, Tobi was told by an elf-chan that Tobi was put on the Bad List, so Tobi has to go around and see if he's a good boy. Do you think Tobi's a good boy?" he asked, eyes shining hopefully.

"If you leave, yes", Itachi replied, ignoring the fact that a member of Akatsuki still believed in Santa Clause.

"Oh, thank you Itachi-nee-san!" Tobi exclaimed, leaping across the room and grabbing Itachi in a huge, choking hug that literally left Itachi breathless. When Tobi dropped him, he regained his breath with as much dignity as he could muster, and turned his glare to Tobi.

"Tobi?"

"Yes, Itachi-nee-san?"

"One, stop calling me nee-san. Two, you have three seconds to run before I roast you and feed you to Zetsu."

"Three seconds from now, or three seconds from-"

"Three", Itachi interrupted, performing a few hand signs and letting loose a giant fireball, chasing a screeching Tobi out of the room.

"Deidara-sempai? Are you in here?"

"Go away, Tobi, un."

"Sempai, guess what an elf-chan told Tobi!" Tobi wailed and ran in, completely ignoring the order to leave. Deidara's eye twitched, but he was determined not to let Tobi bother him, not to let that annoying voice penetrate through his armor of calmness.

"Tobi, didn't I just tell you to leave, hm?!"

"But sempai, elf-chan told Tobi that Tobi was put on the Bad List!"

"So, un?"

Tobi looked up, eyes huge and sparkly with tears.

"How could sempai not care?! Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi wailed, beating fists pummeling an uncompleted sculpture. Deidara cringed, then turned to Tobi.

"Tobi, get out of here, hm! You're ruining everything!"

"But sempai-"

"I don't want to hear it! Just go tell your made-up elf that I think you're a good boy, and get out here before I blow you up, un!"

"Oh, thanks sempai!" Tobi shouted, glomping Deidara.

Deidara growled and pulled a small sculpture out of his pocket, setting in on Tobi's back before pushing him off and detonating it, sending him flying away.

"One of these days, un, I'll kill him."

"Kakuzu-san?" Tobi peeped, peeking around a corner. Kakuzu sat in the small desk chair, writing figures down on a sheet of paper, a stack of coins at his left.

"Kakuzu-san, do you think Tobi's a good boy?" Tobi asked quietly, knowing of the miser's short temper and not wanting to anger him.

"If it'll get you out of here, then yes", Kakuzu replied, not turning around in his chair.

"Thanks, Kakuzu-san!" Tobi chirped, running out of the room before Kakuzu could change his mind.

Tobi ran through the base, looking for Kisame. He had looked everywhere, but was unable to find him.

"Kisame-san, Kisame-san!" he called out, cupping his hands around his mouth under his mask.

"What's up?" Kisame asked, coming from behind Tobi. Tobi shrieked and jumped away, startled, and Kisame covered his ears in a vain attempt to block out the piercing noise.

"Don't scare Tobi like that!"

"Hey, I'm sorry!" Kisame laughed, reaching down to ruffle Tobi's hair.

"Kisame-san? Do you think Tobi's a good boy?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"Well, Tobi met an elf-chan in the woods, and elf-chan told Tobi that Tobi was on the Bad List, so Tobi needs to make sure Tobi's a good boy."

Kisame stared, then decided to entertain the boy.

"Well, you can tell elf-chan that I think Tobi is a very good boy. While you're at it, out in a good word for me, will ya?"

"All right, Kisame-san, Tobi will!" Tobi called out, running off.

Kisame scratched the top of his head.

"Elves? What is that kid on?"

"Konan-chan? Is Tobi a good boy?"

"Tobi can be a good boy if he helps me wrap these presents", Konan gasped, carrying a large load of items into the laundry room.

"Okay, Tobi will help!" Tobi said, taking some and carrying them in himself.

"Thank you, Tobi. Now, why do you need to know if you're a good boy?" Konan asked curiously, looking for the tape.

"Well, elf-chan wants to know so he can out Tobi on the Good List."

Konan stared.

"You haven't been sniffing paint thinner again, have you?"

"No, Tobi learned his lesson from last time."

"Well, Tobi, I think you're a good boy."

"Do you think Pein-sama does too?"

"Yes, I'm sure he thinks you're a good boy too, Tobi."

"Thanks Konan-chan!" Tobi cheered before hugging her and running out the door.

"Hey, I thought you were going to help me wrap presents?!"

"Elf-chan! Elf-chan!" Tobi called out, looking in the forest for the small creature.

"Hi Tobi", the elf said, jumping down from a tree.

"Elf-chan, Tobi asked!"

"I know, I was watching you."

"Oh. So is Tobi a good boy?"

The elf grimaced.

"Sure he is. I'll make sure to tell Santa", he lied. After what he had seen, he wasn't sure the kid ever belonged on the good list.

"Oh, thank you elf-chan! Don't worry, Tobi will be really nice next year to make sure this never happens again, okay?"

"All right then, now I'll be going", the elf said, in a hurry to be away before Tobi caught on to his lie. He snapped his fingers, and vanished, Tobi waving a farewell.

Tobi grinned.

"Tobi's glad he got that sorted out!"

Which was why Tobi was really confused as to why he had a stocking full of coal on Christmas.


End file.
